A true nomad

*Sigh*
Nicole left today and I feel like a local again.
It’s the first time I could feel the sense of having a foreign friend to call and hang out with, have a different perspective on similar realities, enjoy a fun conversation about useless things.

And its not only the physical presence I will miss from her… its not everyday you find someone that falls in love with my culture. I am not from those big popular latin countries full of tourist pleasures available in a travel guide.
Nicole was able to found attractiveness in the small things that make us big: the people, the land, the culture, the political context, the social issues, the similarities and differences.

Central America, so small but with so much to offer. Thanks to Nicole, the first nomad that took the adventure to join along. Hope you can inspire others to jump in.

We will all miss you. Home is waiting for you here too.

The unbelievable art of speaking

Ana Paola: “mom, look a baby”
Me: “Yes, that’s a cute baby”
Ana Paola: “mom, can you get me a baby?”
Me: “!!!??? How do you want me to get one?
Ana Paola: “mmmm rent it”

Now ain’t that a good solution!

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Ana Paola: “mom, a spider!!”
Me: “yes, that is a spider, what is the color of the spider?”
Ana Paola: “YELLOWWW!!”
Me: “no baby, spiders are not yellow, spiders are black”
Ana Paola: “black? No mommy, YELLOWWWWW!!”

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Me: “Ana Paola, how do I look?
Ana Paola: “lindaa (pretty)”
My mom: “Ana Paola, and how do I look?”
Ana Paola: “biigggg!!”
My mom: “Aaahhh Ana Paola, don’t I look pretty too?”
Ana Paola: “nooo…. Biggggg!!”

"Macho, macho man"

ma·chis·mo (mä-chēz'mō)

A strong or exaggerated sense of masculinity stressing attributes such as physical courage, virility, domination of women, and aggressiveness. (The word macho literally translates as "male", but is applied primarily to animals in this sense.) Thus, most machistas believe firmly in the superiority of men over women.
So there, you can grab your own conclusions.
So, even when I firmly believe in feminine liberation (in here it is a statement you make not something you feel it as a given), I have grown up, to a certain extent, believing in the traditional roles of males in our society.

Now… where does this lead me.
I came back from a hard partying weekend in Mexico. Slept 6 hours in 3 days.
Friday night, after having ridiculously spent $200 (thankfully divided among 4 people) in a really boring bar, a group of us, wanting to have a midnight snack (well more like at 2 am) conformed by street tacos jumped into a car and went on the quest.

The driver was a good friend of my boyfriend who declared himself proudly homosexual 4 years ago, really nice person… my boyfriend’s description of him was “he is gay not a crazy bitch”, and the fact that he was gay was not a big deal for anyone there (which also among mexicans that can be a big issue), we are world citizens, everyone is invited!

So he parks the car near old town Guadalajara, and says… “before tacos, let’s get drunk… so here is a cheap place to compensate all we spent”. We enter this place called “Circus club” the description of the place… dodgy…. REALLY dodgy… even Digs and Dody would have found it dodgy without entering it (and that’s to say a lot).

First, on the entrance… I got discriminated… hahaha at first I thought it was an age problem… then I realized… our friend had to talk to the guy in the front door to let the other 2 women, my boyfriend and I in. I was wondering why… its not like I look 17 anymore… I noticed why when I saw a rather “contemporary” picture of a man in the door.

We walked up to the main floor, where the bar was… and it was all men. Everyone… the pure macho experience… only the other way around… around 10 more women… the waitress (which I am still in doubt) and the 3 of us. Great music… danced like crazy… but it was shocking.

It was my first encounter with an entire gay community. Looking at them relaxed, doing their “thing”… at some point, almost an orgy… hooking up in every corner… old and young, small and tall, slim and fat… even our gay friends would later say: “Sodom and Gomorrah in there my friends…”

Definitely, beer was cheap: 2 x $1. Tacos came later. “Carne al pastor” preparing my thoughts to the next 2 hours of sleep ahead.

- Sorry if anyone found this post offensive… its all about experience-

How much are we willing to forgive?

“A new study from Duke University Medical Center demonstrates that among people who have chronic back pain, those who have forgiven others experience lower levels of pain and less associated psychological problems like anger and depression that those who have not forgiven” - EurekAlert

We all know the effects of psychological reactions to physical problems, however no one understands to what extent can they actually influence in the recovery of a patient.

Forgiveness is such a difficult emotion to recognize. I am not talking about the rage and hatred you may feel, even externally, when you remember someone that has hurt you. Forgiveness also involves those lost memories in the back of your conscious mind that makes you react to situations in a way that would alter your normal reactions.

Forgiveness to others, forgiveness to God… and the hardest of all… to forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself from mistakes made, from decisions taken, from words said, from things you didn’t say, for things you said to much, for trusting too much, from not trusting enough… so many things we constantly blame on ourselves… that are hurting us even more than the consequences of the “act” itself.

It’s a tough call and not an easy thing to change, but certainly something that could change our reactions towards events in life.

Relationships? maybe next time...

It’s not easy to handle a relationship you really care about.
There comes a point where you would just want to run away and hide, however you know it’s not the way to work things out.

I know friends that are so afraid to enter a relationship, based on the mere fear of letting another person down or making fool of themselves, they cover this fear by saying they have “issues” to resolve before they can actually get involved with someone else.

Everyone has its own internal fear when it comes to a relationship, the mere fact to be able to trust in someone else, knowing you can get hurt, showing your vulnerability to its greatest extent… its not something easy, however it’s possible.

Besides… after a storm, comes calm… or reconciliation! Can’t complain.

Bits and bites of Frustration

Bits and bites of Frustration.

"In dreams begins responsibility." --William Butler Yeats (1865-1939) Irish Nobel Prize-winning poet I have struggled with myself and with this phrase for the last 2 weeks. Something bothers me, about myself, feeling uncomfortable... or worst yet anxious.

I used to dream of great deeds, of foreign lands, of bright proffesional future. To travel the world, mind my own well being. To earn enough to explore enough, to meet interesting people and be a world leader.

I used to dream about becoming who I was meant to become.  I used to dream random meetings and wild friends.

Suddenly, dreams began to fade. All of a sudden, I felt my dreams move away.
I had to come face to face to a reality I never dreamed.

Frustration. I lie in the verge of changing my mind or letting time pass by. To know someone else is living the life I was only dreaming. Those people can come up and read this and say “it isn’t the best life you can have, compared to what she has” they may be right… but how can I realize that without having experienced what it was about.

I used to dream of freedom, adventures and a simple life. Do I still have time?


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I am living a life I never dreamed of.

I’ve experienced the feeling of failure. Facing the floor, not sure if I had the will to stand up. Trying to mend broken dreams and knowing it was useless. Standing up meant facing the world again, the possibility of getting back into that same position at any given time.
Once again… strength beyond my own… pulled me up, step by step, until I was back into my feet again… and until today it has filled my life with blessings.

I have received the amazing gift of being a mother. No one, will ever understand what it means to belong somewhere until they have someone that looks up to you.
No foreign land, no career path can be compared to the sight of your kid early in the morning, standing besides your bed, holding his arms towards you to help him get up just to lie on top of you, press his head against your heart and throw a kiss to the air for you to catch.

I have supportive parents, that haven’t turned their heads against me, even if they wished they could. People that would let me fall everytime I could… but make sure they were there when I needed to be spoiled.

I  have wonderful friends. Who I don’t see as much as I wish, but it seems time  and frontiers don’t pass by between us.

I have a life with love. I am not lonely, but have someone to walk hand on hand with and share the good, the bad, the sad and the happy with.

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What, at the end is my mission in life? To dream great dreams? In dreams begin responsibility… how can I stand against it?

Decision made

I made a decision.
I am not applying to the post in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

The main reason being the current commitment I have achieved with the work I am developing, I need to be here at least until april/may next year, and I don't want to give a bad impression or leave things undone or even close a door, specially in a country where image and contacts are everything to provide you with some proffesional opportunities. (considering everyone knows each other)

So, decision made... I wrote my friend/colleague an email, thanking her for the opportunity and hoping that when I am free to take that step... I have a door open there again.

Let's see when opportunity knock by again. I am sure it will. And finally I have peace of mind again.

Change / Comfort zone / change / COMFORT ZONE

What to do?! what to do?!

I received an email yesterday it said: "URGENT - call me" it was from a good contact/friend/former colleague, I met her while I was working in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, she has an amazing story... which at the end, why we converged was that she had been part of AIESEC Kenya's BOA or something like it. But she is salvadorean.

She was promoted to Director of Economic Promotion of El Salvador with Europe. Brand new area, she needs to put it together and she called me to apply to a post there...

Job description? - no idea
Money? - no idea (definitely more that what I earn here)
Bonus, vacations, insurance, extra stuff? - no idea

Then why was I even considering it? I love the field... International Relations, Political Science... I love it!!!

What's the problem? I have adapted, I have created a comfort zone which is not allowing me to face change, not right now... it screams to me "NOOOO.... its too soon!!!"

I would lose my cheap tickets, I would lose the spare days of vacation at any given time of the year (in the government you have 1 month vacations, but they are fixed dates)...
I wouldn't be able to meet my colleague MCPs in Egypt next year, or attend the oh so many weddings I have planned... I would have to wait for another entire year to get a good christmas bonus...

I am definitely inside a comfort zone... and its not as simple as saying... screw it... not anymore... and I don't know why... and my mind keeps going on from the words "Passion" to the words "Stability" and its screwing my peace of mind...

And I have to decide before tomorrow. What to do?

EL Salvador's national fiesta!

Monday August 1st. Woke up at 6:35 am, jogged for 35 minutes because I was running late for work if I followed my daily routine.

Rushed to work, I was almost 20 minutes late. Suddenly... cars stop. All traffic gets halted. No one passes... I try to look outside my window and 100 meters ahead of me a giant woman is waiting for something... in front of her what seems to be a resemblance of a huge flower field is moving... in a Coca Cola truck... and then I remembered... August 1st. The "commerce parade" and it truly is... a woman with her 2 children is running in the sidewalk past all the cars pulling some pieces of metal and tin... I decided to park in the spot,walked down the car 5 minutes later and walk to work. Its only 200 mts from where I am...

100 mts in front and 10 minutes after, the woman and the 2 children have built a small stand and she is starting to cook french fries, hotdogs and pupusas (now this really is entrepreneurship) I walk by several school bands and their respective cheerleaders... people in costumes... party has started. From August 1st to6th... El Salvador is an entire party... to honor the one we owe our name to "El Salvador" (traduced as "The Saviour" meaning Jesus Christ)

It also means another 5 days off from work! But I will let the pictures talk best...

You are my sunshine!

Sun, fun and more fun

I took 5 days of vacation from work.
I really, urgently needed them, not only a vacation to rest from going to the office, but as well something that would make me relax, feel free to do and say whatever I wanted, release my mind and wonder around topics that would go from bizarre to actually intelligent.

So Suzanne came to my rescue... it took me almost 2 years to make her come! but she came... and we had the best of times. You can see in her blog all the things we did and have in just 5 days... I had rarely gone sightseeing in my country for almost a year now.

It was not just fun having her and Nicole around to have fun and get all "happy", hahahah we even got the nickname of "Wild on girls" for our dancing skills at a disco... but we had time to change the world, politics and men all in one single conversation. No prejudices, no narrow minds, no boring people were allowed.

Perfect times... perfect times... can't wait for next time. Where will this crazy world reunite us again?

"Where in the world: Cartagena, Colombia"

I only needed 24 hours to fall in love with this place.

For the first time in my life, I was in a multibeach paradisiacal spot... and I couldn't care less about getting a tan or sun-bathing. I had fallen in love with a city. With a whole bunch of bricks.

Inside the walled city, life stands still, not a minute passes by before new and interesting new pictures pass through your eyes, leaving your mind blank, trying to take all as a single concept.

Reccomended places:

Restaurant - Cafe del Santisimo (tropical/exotic/indian/latin/gourmet)
Plaza - Simon Bolivar
Site - Inquisition Museum
What to buy - assorted bijoux (necklaces, earrings, etc) on the streets

A little bit of Colombia flavor

Colombia is hard to describe, vast country, contrasting, full of life, music and spirit.
People, geography, infrastructure, they all combine to form the exact match between development and latin style.

Not only women are beautiful because of God's nature and the amazing work of silycone... colombian men I encountered used to say "there are not ugly women in colombia, just poor parents". It would make everyone laugh and be proud of their "belongings".

I was 5 days in Colombia, 3 spent in a city called Barranquilla, famous for its carnival and the easyness of its people, and 2 days in Cartagena, a pearl in the Caribbean.
The great thing about this trip is that I was going to actually be around colombians, not as a tourist, but as a guest. My boyfriend and I had been invited to a traditional colombian wedding.



Food, drinks, dancing on the streets to the rythm of "ballenato", at 4 am in the morning - and not a single neighbor complaining - music, music, more music... cumbia, salsa, youth everywhere, arepas, 60 year old "aunts" coming to the pub and the disco to hang around with the youth... too much tequila, too much whisky... enough aguardiente...

Colombia... burst of flavor in every bite. Eat wisely.